I seriously thought Jack Nicholson was joking when he said “And the winner is Crash.”

Seriously. Crash?

I was convinced Brokeback would sweep. Ang Lee is crying tiny tears right now, along with the entire population of Taiwan. At least he won best director. It’s about time.

Jon Stewart was perfect as host; he was laidback, but he still made fun of the montages. Plus, Stephen Colbert snuck in on the attack ads. Hi-larious. Also, can we discuss the opening scene, where Jon Stewart wakes up in bed with George Clooney? It was prematurely grey heaven.

Though Clooney’s speech made him fall a wee bit in my esteem. He started off self-deprecating and gracious, but “This academy gave an award to Hattie McDaniel in 1939″? Ridiculous.

Again, Crash? I somehow managed to mostly remember how good Ludacris was, but totally forgot the whole story with the Hispanic locksmith and “It’s a good cloak.” That shit won an Oscar people.

Alex would like me to point out that Hattie McDaniel is one of our greatest actors.